Posts tagged with "Personal"

I really want help for my anxiety and depression, but it feels impossible because people constantly bring up my weight, make comments about how much I eat, and imply I have an eating disorder.
It’s making me feel very hopeless, I just want one therapist who doesn’t bring up my weight over and over again.
Today I told a doctor that I feel really dizzy, and I think it might be a side effect of the antidepressants I’m taking. A nurse commented that I’m dizzy because I need to eat more (no, she didn’t see the list, she has no idea how much I eat).
Last week I was asked to write down how much I eat every day because I lost 2 pounds. I’ve been writing it down, but I do not understand why they even asked, because it’s unlikely they will believe me anyway.
I don’t care about my weight as much as any of these people and I am tired of answering questions about it. My body type should be irrelevant. Right now it’s an obstacle to getting actual help.

I found this picture when clearing out the garage a few days ago.. I think I’m around 11 or 12

I found this picture when clearing out the garage a few days ago.. I think I’m around 11 or 12

My therapist thinks I have difficulty accepting compliments & that I’m very negative about myself, so she has asked me to write a list if 10 positive things about my personality.. (I can’t ask other people to answer)
It’s strangely difficult.. I got to 2 before I started thinking about the negative side to one of the positive attributes.

Saying positive things about myself feels really self-congratulatory and dishonest. D:
It reminds me of self affirmation quotes, “I approve of myself and feel great about myself.”, “I love and accept myself unconditionally.” They don’t work for me, it’s just extremely uncomfortable.. I have no idea what methods would actually help though.

From my walk earlier today

From my walk earlier today

Once again a session with a psychologist about my social anxiety is turned into a discussion about my weight and being “too thin”.
I explained that I eat a normal amount, I don’t really think about my weight, I just have a small frame naturally.
“..Do you think you need to lose weight?”
Are you fucking kidding me!? It’s like talking to a wall. Of course I don’t think I need to lose weight!

She calculated my BMI and was surprised that it was not as low as she expected, then calculated it again. (For a moment she thought the calculator might be broken -.-)

And another doctor told me I “don’t eat enough” ..You just met me man, you have no idea how much I eat.


I think it might have been because I’m not wearing makeup today, I was during the last appointment (she thought I lost weight since then - I had not)..

The palette I made at Inglot

The palette I made at Inglot

We drove to düsseldorf today!

It’s nice here, very typical German city IMO.. 
It has the 3rd largest Japanese  community in Europe so there’s a lot of Japanese restaurants. We are at one at the moment~

We drove to düsseldorf today!

It’s nice here, very typical German city IMO..
It has the 3rd largest Japanese community in Europe so there’s a lot of Japanese restaurants. We are at one at the moment~

First time in an inglot store

First time in an inglot store