With this I have now made as many entries this month as last month.. >_>
I haven’t been writing very much lately, I have been feeling depressed for a while..
Anyways, parts of a nightmare I had lately.. I don’t remember it too well..
I am back at school, but it looks very much like a prison. There is a blonde haired girl I remember from my primary school, and she is rude to me, so we start fighting. I take away 7 of her HP (playing way too much pokemon lately) and she’s takes away 5 of mine, so I worry I will get all of the blame.
I walk through the school/prison and there are ropes and chains hanging from every classrooms door. They have a huge billboard saying “their only excuse for not being good enough is their age” or something similar. How the ropes are tangled up on the doors really disturbs me, it looks disgusting. I come up to a teacher and say “Should I just leave and never come back then?” And he says “Yes, and release all your pokemon!” really angrily.
O________O
I’ve been playing Pokemon Pearl a lot the last few days.
I keep imagining, if all the trainers were real people, and this was going on the real world.
Someone is walking through with free will, being attacked by pokemon constantly, but everyone else is doomed to run endlessly in circles or stand in the same area until they can battle them.. then they continue standing in the same spot, or twirling around, or hiding in grass.. I am starting to creep myself out thinking about it.
Anyways! xD
These are my current pokemon in the game: Pokecharms Trainer Card Maker
As you can see, I like ~cute~ pokemon. Also I hate most evolved forms – Piplup and Psyduck are both holding everstones so they don’t evolve.. Evolved forms are usually so ugly.. And I have 5 badges so far. xD
The games really haven’t changed much since Red/Blue.. Fight gym leaders, get HMs, stop evil team.. but I like contests, berries, the explorer kit etc. I wish there were more pokemon/battle animations or something though.. battles look so similar.
I don’t like most of the generation IV pokemon.. Not many cute ones, a lot of them seem stupid.
This pokemon I find extremely creepy, it is the evolved form of buneary:
On Saturday it was Marius’ father’s birthday. Every year they have a big party for it, and lots of people stay at their house. I think I was a little less shy than last time, but still pretty awkward. Yuki spent the entire evening playing with a little girl, it was cute. He had a sock and she would run after him, when he was with someone else she would yell “yuuuuuuki” in a sing-song voice until he returned. xD The photo above is the view from the kitchen.
I really need to start being more productive, but I am so incredibly.. pessimistic about my abilities at everything, also I have really high standards for myself. I feel like I will fail at everything I do.. Whenever I think about doing work, I think to myself “why bother? I won’t be able to do it well enough.. I’ll probably fail..”
There are some things which I choose to do anyways, like taking photos. That’s actually a horrible example though, as I take photos every day and delete about 95% of them because they are so awful..
I am also terrified of failure, so I put off doing things so I can keep the “possibility” of not failing.
This really applies to everything I do at the moment. Even dyeing my hair. I really want to lighten it, but I think to myself “why bother, I look so ugly at the moment.. my hair is so dry… maybe wait a while”. I don’t wear clothes I like for the same reason.
I haven’t drawn anything in months.. Last time I did it depressed me too much.
It sounds pretty crazy when I think about it. It’s fairly obvious it’s just a fear of failure though, will have to try and resolve it somehow.
I am thinking about where I would like to live, ideally, but I am really not sure. Far into the future I’d like to live in the US, but I am thinking about the next couple of years. Marius would like to go back to England, but I am really unsure. The economy is really bad – rent prices are ridiculous, it’s not very dog-friendly (would be extremely difficult to find an apartment, not many places to walk him, can’t bring him with me everywhere like in Bamberg), also horrible weather and overcrowded. O____O
I do miss some things though, like going to London. Bamberg feels dead to me, too quiet and old-fashioned. :\ But I think it’s less stressful to live here.
Also whilst I miss some things in England, I realise that I was completely miserable there (miserable being a huge understatement)
I am terrible at making decisions….
I hardly wrote anything on here last month. o.o Probably because I’ve been playing games a lot.
Anyways, here are some of the games I played in January:
Bioshock (completed)
WET (completed)
Bayonetta (completed)
Gears of War 2 co-op :O (completed)
Prince of Persia (completed)
Resident Evil 5 co-op (almost completed.. the end boss fight is so frustrating and ridiculous.. I hate button-bashing :\)
The best was of course Bioshock, I am really looking forward to the next one *__*
The worst was WET.. soo repetitive. O__o and the storyline/characters were stupid -.-
It’s snowy again. -.-
Taking photos is more difficult because my hands are so cold and shaky, it’s awful. Also I think it creates weird lighting effects.. It doesn’t look very good.
It is -12°C at the moment and it’s prettybright outside.
Photos from yesterday:
I thought I would write a bit about girls gamers from my perspective, because my experience seems to be rather different than the ones I have been reading about.
This video on the topic is interesting.
I don’t totally agree though, personally I dislike those games aimed at girls made by Ubisoft, they seem really patronising. Games about shopping, pets, “babyz“, cooking.. Ugh. I think making these low quality pink-fluffy-glitter-pony games for girls doesn’t help the problem, it’s sexist and insulting.
I played video games with my friends a lot when I was younger, most of whom had consoles of their own and played regularly. (random side note: The only time I felt weird about it was going into a game store, I would never see other girls and people would stare at me like an alien just walked in) We would usually all want to play as a female characters, and in games where less female characters were available it would be a race to select them. :| But other than that, we played anything regardless of whether it was a game ~made for guys~ like Dead Or Alive supposedly is.
A lot of people online seem to act like there are 2 types of gamer, the hardcore (male) ones and “casual” (female) gamers, which I find irritating. I like playing Bejewelled and Pet Society on facebook but I also love Bioshock – it’s possible to enjoy both!
Finding images for this entry was depressing, most of the images I found to do with women playing video games had captions to show how “stupid” and unskilled they were, or they were naked girls covered in controllers & games. Google image search “girl gamers” or “girls playing video games” to see what I mean..
I’ve been playing games a lot lately, since Christmas I have finished, in the follwing order, Bioshock, WET, Prince of Persia, Bayonetta, Gears of War 2 and I have almost finished Resident Evil 5!
I like playing co-op with Marius a lot, I think our styles are very different, he usually goes very close to enemies using a shotgun, I’m more cautious and stay back with machine gun/rifle. Also he doesn’t think about health at all, whereas I always try to keep mine high.
I am feeling so unwell at the moment :(
I am worried that I need to get my wisdom teeth removed. Arghhh.
I wish I was more calm, I also tend to get more anxious at night, which is why I think I have nightmares so often.
Bayonetta should arrive on Monday ;) I can’t wait to play it, I really liked the demo
I wish her head wasn’t so small though!
I’ve been with Marius for 3 years as of today!
And we’ve been living in Germany together for around a year now. :)
Our last anniversary wasn’t very enjoyable.. We were in my parents house, all the pipes had frozen and we couldn’t go anywhere because the car wouldn’t start.
It’s very cold right now, with a lot of snow, don’t know if I want to bother going out xD But I think we will go to a restaurant this evening
